The #1 Thing That Holds People Back In Life And Work
Figure this out and you'll be as close to all set as possible. But don't take it too far.
The other day when I realized there was a problem with one of the documents we need to apply for our visa to move to Spain, I initially blamed other people.
Turns out it was my mistake.
As a person who prides himself on attention to detail, when I discover I actually overlooked a detail, I immediately revert to beating myself up. What if the error had not been caught? What if I had decided to apply for the visa without the help of a professional and this set us back? What if this oversight was bigger? And so on. A whole lot of internalizing. Something I tend to take too far.
There’s a happy medium. A balance to strike between externalizing and internalizing. In fact, I’d go so far to say that externalizing is—more often than not—a complete waste of your time. A much better use of your logistical and mental resources is to internalize to an appropriate degree.
To illustrate, let’s consider my experience writing on Medium.
As my good friend and frequent editor,
, can attest, there was a period of time when I was frustrated with Medium. When Medium changed how to distribute stories and—subsequently—how and how much they compensate writers.At this time, there were loads of people trashing and swearing off the platform. You saw a few of them here on Substack. While I have always tried to keep this type of public proclamation in check, there’s no doubt I have failed more than once.
First, nobody cares that you’re leaving Medium (or whatever).
Second, there’s a good chance you’ll come crawling back.
Third—and closely related to the second point—there’s a good chance that your lack of success is your fault. That it has next to, if not nothing to do with Medium (or whoever).
This applies beyond writing. Beyond Medium. And is really relevant in many aspects of life. It’s just easy to illustrate using this example that I’m going through in real time.
When Medium made its changes, my earnings tanked. By around 75%!
In more than a few WhatsApp messages to Charlie, way more than a few rants to Meilisse (just ask her!) and way, way more in my own internal rumblings, I externalized. I outsourced the reasons—the excuses—for my lack of success to Medium.
The reality was and is several-fold:
Medium is a business. It has to make money. It has to take measures to survive and thrive.
Medium isn’t out to get me—or you. At the same time, Medium’s job isn’t to ensure that I—or you—survive or thrive. If we do, that’s good for Medium, but it only happens as an intended, but ultimately indirect consequence of their strategy.
Medium is run by professionals with good intentions. As is the case in most situations, they’re not out to get you and make your life more difficult. Be it Medium, another company, your partner, your neighbor, a government agency. All of these people and entities are merely doing their thing. Like you, they’re dealing with their own shit as conduct the messy business of doing life. So, stop acting like it’s you against them. It isn’t.
Typically, your success or failure sits in your own hands. You make choices and go in directions that dictate your path. The best path might be leaving Medium. But making that choice shouldn’t be accompanied by blaming Medium for your results.
There’s an adjustment period in just about every area of life. That 75% drop didn’t come without warning. Medium had been teasing changes for a while. Still, it was difficult to prepare. Such is life. You deal with the period of adjustment not by playing the blame game, but by adjusting internally.
You can take control during adjustment periods if you let yourself take control. Rather than externalizing, take the worry and anxiety and direct it toward solutions. Here again, that might mean moving on. But it also might mean finding a way to make it work if that’s realistic and what you want. I quickly stopped complaining and started adjusting. I learned what Medium is looking for. Today, my earnings are up more than 75% over the last 5-6 months and 8 of my last 10 stories have been Boosted.
Of course, Medium is the placeholder for whom or whatever.
Embarking on this—what is now—nearly two-year journey to move to Spain has opened my eyes to a whole new level of internalizing and externalizing. Both looking at my own thoughts, behaviors and actions. And watching the same in others.
Lots of people can’t get past lamenting and blaming bureaucracy for everything or projecting their fears and anxieties on others. Whether it’s blaming everybody but yourself, hating on others or being needlessly negative, externalizing is a great way to stand still. To fall into a mud puddle of bitterness that can feel like comfort, but is little more than a nasty rut.
Don’t go there. Especially if you want to do something big.
This doesn’t portend perfection, but it does help develop an attitude that makes it easier to deal with any actual bull shit that comes your way, your own emotions and the stuff you’re inclined to want to outsource instead of deal with from within.
The latest Medium Boost in Charlie Brown’s Rooted publication.
Barcelona
Good reminder. I stopped blaming the platforms long ago. There is a very successful writer on here, (two or three all connected) that are constantly bashing Medium. They've built courses around leaving Medium and finding success in other places. The interesting part is they're still producing and writing on Medium, likely earning enough to still make it worth while and still bashing away.
There are also coaches over there who insist there is a formula and the only way to success is to follow along a similar path that they're on. I can't do it. First, I'm not qualified. Second, I don't have a following that I can get away writing some of the fluff they create. And finally, I'm willing to bet there is no magic formula... and there are times where maybe the writer just isn't good enough no matter how much shit they throw at the wall. One thing I'm learning as I go, it's not enough to write, there is a business sense required to understand how to make it financially successful.
This isn't how I envisioned writing was going to work out. I've almost given up several times and moved on to a new project. In finance I think there is a term 'sunk cost' or something like that. I'm persevering. But darn it, sometimes you need a boost (hah, no pun intended or in this case maybe) to keep you going. And my personal demon is that I never know when it's time to let something go. I have a love/hate with writing now, it never used to be like this, but then again it's different this time around.
As one of those people in the same Medium boat, I need to occasionally be reminded of this. If nothing else, their constant iterations prove that resilience is a critical life skill.