Living The Semi-Retired Life: We Shouldn't Feel Guilt Or Shame Over Living The Life We Want, But We Do
In our recent survey about subscriber housing situations and plans, 45% of respondents who live in the United States or Canada—that’s 48 people—indicated they intend to leave their country. That’s a way higher number than I expected.
Because the idea of moving resonates with a large swath of subscribers, in today’s post we focus on the guilt, shame and general uneasiness some of us feel when we think about the prospects of moving (or some other big life decision), let alone deciding we’re going to do it. A decision process that involves telling your loved ones what’s about to go down.
Before we expand on that, please consider becoming a paid subscriber to the newsletter if you aren’t one already. A paid subscription provides access to everything we do in the Living The Semi-Retired Life newsletter, including:
Personal details on and actual numbers from my ongoing semi-retirement journey with the next stop being a move to Spain.
A tangible and practical personal finance thought, idea, goal or concrete strategy with every single newsletter installment.
You can support the newsletter for $5/month, $50/year or pay at least $100 for a founding membership and never pay again. You’ll be set for life. Existing paid subscribers can always upgrade to a founding membership.
In recent installments of the newsletter, I discuss the emotional aspects of making the decision and eventually making the move to Spain. My partner and I will both leave daughter’s—both are 20 years old now—behind. However, it’s not as much about leaving them behind as it is giving them the opportunity to see their middle-aged parents continue to grow and evolve, chase new adventures and seize the lifestyle they prefer at a time when other old people stay relatively still:
What a way to learn and grow on the front end of adulthood than to visit a parent (and their partner) as they do the work to become part of a new and exciting culture. It’s somewhat unconventional, but, to me, it’s a way I never envisioned interfacing with my adult child. But one I look forward to.
This gives our daughters (they’re the same age) an opportunity to grow and evolve as humans while they watch their middle-aged and soon-to-be relative old-aged parents put down roots in another part of the world.
Coincidence or not, two things happened this week that made me think even more about all of this stuff.
One was a conversation with my Mother and the other something Brent Hartinger wrote in his excellent
Substack.Right around that time, a Medium reader responded to my idea of living evenly across the lifespan—
This is where I felt myself moving to, but didn’t know how to express it. And it certainly felt “wrong.”
You can get totally up to speed on what I mean by living more evenly across the lifespan by reading these two posts at some point after you finish today’s.
Why does it feel wrong to live life differently? To maybe give up a high-powered job for something you like better, even if it means a smaller salary and less overhead. Or to leave the United States or Canada (or wherever) for greener pastures.
It shouldn’t feel wrong, but, at times, it does. People sometimes hesitate to stop chasing the American dream or simply slow down a little because they worry about what others think. They internalize all of this and more and hesitate again because it makes them feel like losers. As if they’re not living up to their potential.
If you come from a working class background like me—where your closest relatives live their entire lives within spitting distance of one another—it can feel doubly wrong. Even if—as weird of a dynamic as it is—you have supportive parents.
Which brings me to Brent’s story from the other day and something my Mom said.