These ongoing, progressively worsening issues are killing our country. Civility is all but gone. My wife and I at 76 yrs of age think twice or three times before going anywhere. We do to some extent live with a degree of apprehension. We remember and long for a kinder, gentler, thoughtful America but hold out little hope for that. We sometimes worry about being targeted due to our advanced age and inability to fight back if attacked. It should not be like this for anyone.
This is nothing short of sad, heartbreaking really. I wish I had something constructive to say in response. Obviously, you and your wife should not have to feel this way.
There isn't a time that I don't think twice (or wish twice) that I didn't have to step foot outside my front door because of the element waiting there. It is at work, on the streets, and at the parks where I walk my 14 year old dog. No class of neighborhood is immune. I am not anti-America, but I am getting really tired of the American culture. You are correct, it should not be like this for anyone.
Yes indeed. I am not afraid or intimidated, although it seems that is what these peeps are trying to accomplish. I don't see happiness or hear laughter. They have lost a sense of being goofy and silly, along with their common courtesy. It is all very strange.
Every time I go overseas I’m reminded of how much calmer other people have it. Passing through Customs is good for my blood pressure. Being able to walk everywhere, almost no mindless aggression, and being around people who collectively have agreed to live at the speed of life.
The U.S. is in a flat spin, and I’m not sure how much longer I wanna stay, either.
As for sidewalks, if you want to see aggression, simply suggest putting them on any given street and watch the homeowners react. Madison also recently redid a bike path by us. It’s like 12 ft wide (replaced a traffic lane)… and it stopped right at the edge of our suburb.
And, yes, anything to enhance public space and promote pedestrianism is met with resistance (and ignorance). It even happens in places where you think it might not. Check out the business owner who (apparently) went on a hunger strike because he blames a new Valencia Street bike lane for an (apparent) decline in his sales. In San Francisco.
As you indicate, this all reverts back. The way we organize space contributes, in a major way, to he we feel and how we act/behave.
I’m a relatively new dad. My boy just turned 3. I have been amazed at how quickly the friendly glances due to having my baby with me wore off when out in public. They lasted up to almost a year, I’d say. And then my Midwestern Target co-shoppers became as cold as they think Parisians are. But go to Europe with your kids and you get to cut lines. I’m not saying that’s necessary, but it serves in place of a nice little friendly glance between strangers that we don’t have.
I think the streets being cleaned makes a big difference. There’s pride of place and a desire to consciously or subconsciously emulate that behavior. I agree that it’s all the seemingly small aggressions in the aggregate that pile on to the feeling that something/everything is not working. It helps to hear it articulated this clearly. - Thanks!
It really does make a difference, in perception and reality. Even when you see one store owner doing it, you have a different opinion of that particular business and business owner. In Spain - Barcelona, in particular - you see it citywide every single day. And it's not a small city. I think Valencia does the same.
It's true, here in Barcelona I'm constantly amazed by how much effort they put into keeping the city clean. There will be a massive block party one day and the next day it looks like nothing happened, it's impressive how on top of it they are.
Before he lost the plot, Giuliani had this sorted in NYC. He had a super police chief, Bill Bratton, who I believe later worked in LA, and they followed the "broken windows" policy; fix the small stuff, make arrests for small stuff. Oh boy did it work.
I'm not a fan of broken windows necessarily. It's something I studied closely as they tried and failed to implement it in Los Angeles. Broken windows is more about aggressively policing poor neighborhoods and criminalizing small offenses than anything else. The baseline from which it operates is typically American. We let conditions spiral out of control, blame the victims who fell through the (our feeble) safety net, harass them, then act as if we care about quality of life.
While the basic idea of broken windows can be applied to the Spanish example, it's not the same. This is truly a quality of life initiative that helps maintain and enhance an already sound social and physical environment.
Oh so well said. Things are better where I live in a small town, but the evidence of these micro- and not so micro-aggressions are all around us, and social media is full of it.
A friend of mine in another town is selling his dad's car and posted an add. He gets a text message with just a number, not even a dollar sign. Not a "would consider this offer". Nothing. Just a low number?? I know that is a tiny thing considering all the things you describe but simple decent communication isn't too much to ask.
And the ever escalating cost of food can only end badly, as in revolt badly. When a large part of society is hitting their financial breaking point, what happens next cannot be pretty. The speed at which society is fraying is definitely a major concern.
That is a good example. In isolation, no big deal ... maybe (even if it's rude). But the larger problem here is that people don't consider themselves as part of a society where each of their daily actions and interactions contribute to the collective vibe and quality of life. The fact that everything is so expensive is one reason nowadays, but hardly an excuse.
That's it exactly "don't consider themselves as part of a society". They fully dismiss the impact of their actions on others and whether they are making the world a better or place or not.
I try to define “society” for myself and come up with a group of people with a dash of community. It’s not fully a community, which brings care and concern, but at least it has some decorum in how we treat each other. And we do miss that now.
An opportunity to be compassionate; how does other peoples aggression make us feel? How can we be more compassionate towards them? What are our options? Can we forgive the small ones before they pile up and spiral into an avalanche?
I completely agree. And this is pretty much how I see it. Ignore it. Disarm it. Maybe rant about it afterwards:-)
But it does no good for anyone to go crazy or escalate things. Back to Bill's comment - even the odds of it happening are low, people do get beat up or even shot after they escalate things (or even if they don't!). See the story from the grocery store parking lot.The same grocery store where a security guard was shot when people he stopped from shoplifting came back to confront him. I didn't even mention that one in the article. So, yeah, it's time to go!
There is a creeping malaise. It is not just an LA, or even mega cities thing.
Last night, my wife and I went to a gig in our capital city, Bern. Candy Dulfer, and Sheila E in Purple Jam, a tribute to Prince!
We went by train; that service does work. Still. Unlike across the border in Germany, where the terms reliability and depdendability will forever more no longer appear in the same sentence as Germany. In Bern we decided to walk the 10 minutes from the station to the club. It was not dark yet.
Within 500m of the station we passed a really run down, graffitied building, with lots of folk hanging around who looked like druggies or dealers. We both quickly realised we were taking the bus back to the station after the gig.
We also have a very general imported crime problem. Lots of immigrants trying to be taken in as asylum seekers. Crime is part of their life and nothing to lose - money, 3 square, colour TV and internet whether we put them in jail or not.
Which gets me to the things on Rocco's mind as the thinks Spain and has his Urban Planner hat on. Our cities need to work on making every neighbourhood so hospitable that you both want to walk around and can walk around, at any time of day, whatever age you are.
It's definitely like this in Spain. No matter the time you feel safe. Felt the same way in Paris and Rome. In large part because there are always people around - out and about. The way they design is a big reason why. Jane Jacobs - "The eyes on the street."
Most people have never lived overseas; they don't know what it feels like to live in a true wholesome community environment. I lived in San Diego for 20 years and I'm glad I got out.
Five years ago I packed up my stuff in Florida and bought a one-way ticket to Barcelona. It was the best decision I've ever made.
Every time I go back to visit my parents it seems like the situation gets worse. I can't justify ordering a glass of wine for $11 when I can go to a restaurant here and get an entire bottle for the same price.
Good luck with your move, hope to meet you in Valencia some day!
These ongoing, progressively worsening issues are killing our country. Civility is all but gone. My wife and I at 76 yrs of age think twice or three times before going anywhere. We do to some extent live with a degree of apprehension. We remember and long for a kinder, gentler, thoughtful America but hold out little hope for that. We sometimes worry about being targeted due to our advanced age and inability to fight back if attacked. It should not be like this for anyone.
This is nothing short of sad, heartbreaking really. I wish I had something constructive to say in response. Obviously, you and your wife should not have to feel this way.
There isn't a time that I don't think twice (or wish twice) that I didn't have to step foot outside my front door because of the element waiting there. It is at work, on the streets, and at the parks where I walk my 14 year old dog. No class of neighborhood is immune. I am not anti-America, but I am getting really tired of the American culture. You are correct, it should not be like this for anyone.
There are definitely a higher number of assholes running around. Mostly (physically) harmless. But assholes nevertheless.
Yes indeed. I am not afraid or intimidated, although it seems that is what these peeps are trying to accomplish. I don't see happiness or hear laughter. They have lost a sense of being goofy and silly, along with their common courtesy. It is all very strange.
Every time I go overseas I’m reminded of how much calmer other people have it. Passing through Customs is good for my blood pressure. Being able to walk everywhere, almost no mindless aggression, and being around people who collectively have agreed to live at the speed of life.
The U.S. is in a flat spin, and I’m not sure how much longer I wanna stay, either.
As for sidewalks, if you want to see aggression, simply suggest putting them on any given street and watch the homeowners react. Madison also recently redid a bike path by us. It’s like 12 ft wide (replaced a traffic lane)… and it stopped right at the edge of our suburb.
Well said.
And, yes, anything to enhance public space and promote pedestrianism is met with resistance (and ignorance). It even happens in places where you think it might not. Check out the business owner who (apparently) went on a hunger strike because he blames a new Valencia Street bike lane for an (apparent) decline in his sales. In San Francisco.
As you indicate, this all reverts back. The way we organize space contributes, in a major way, to he we feel and how we act/behave.
I’m a relatively new dad. My boy just turned 3. I have been amazed at how quickly the friendly glances due to having my baby with me wore off when out in public. They lasted up to almost a year, I’d say. And then my Midwestern Target co-shoppers became as cold as they think Parisians are. But go to Europe with your kids and you get to cut lines. I’m not saying that’s necessary, but it serves in place of a nice little friendly glance between strangers that we don’t have.
It's really something. The difference. I appreciate the perspective from a newish dad!
I think the streets being cleaned makes a big difference. There’s pride of place and a desire to consciously or subconsciously emulate that behavior. I agree that it’s all the seemingly small aggressions in the aggregate that pile on to the feeling that something/everything is not working. It helps to hear it articulated this clearly. - Thanks!
Thank you, AB.
It really does make a difference, in perception and reality. Even when you see one store owner doing it, you have a different opinion of that particular business and business owner. In Spain - Barcelona, in particular - you see it citywide every single day. And it's not a small city. I think Valencia does the same.
It's true, here in Barcelona I'm constantly amazed by how much effort they put into keeping the city clean. There will be a massive block party one day and the next day it looks like nothing happened, it's impressive how on top of it they are.
Before he lost the plot, Giuliani had this sorted in NYC. He had a super police chief, Bill Bratton, who I believe later worked in LA, and they followed the "broken windows" policy; fix the small stuff, make arrests for small stuff. Oh boy did it work.
I'm not a fan of broken windows necessarily. It's something I studied closely as they tried and failed to implement it in Los Angeles. Broken windows is more about aggressively policing poor neighborhoods and criminalizing small offenses than anything else. The baseline from which it operates is typically American. We let conditions spiral out of control, blame the victims who fell through the (our feeble) safety net, harass them, then act as if we care about quality of life.
While the basic idea of broken windows can be applied to the Spanish example, it's not the same. This is truly a quality of life initiative that helps maintain and enhance an already sound social and physical environment.
Check out Gary Blasi's work from UCLA. You might find a link from someone you know on this page :-) https://www.google.com/search?q=ucla+gary+blasi+broken+windows&oq=ucla+gary+blasi+broken+windows+&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIHCAEQIRigATIHCAIQIRigATIHCAMQIRigATIHCAQQIRigATIHCAUQIRigAdIBCTE2NzI0ajBqN6gCFLACAQ&client=ms-android-google&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#cobssid=s
Thanks. Was a good read. Effort / reward not good there.
More generally, I think cities and villages need to work hard on ensuring neighbourhoods do not degenerate, with some of them becoming no go areas.
Oh so well said. Things are better where I live in a small town, but the evidence of these micro- and not so micro-aggressions are all around us, and social media is full of it.
A friend of mine in another town is selling his dad's car and posted an add. He gets a text message with just a number, not even a dollar sign. Not a "would consider this offer". Nothing. Just a low number?? I know that is a tiny thing considering all the things you describe but simple decent communication isn't too much to ask.
And the ever escalating cost of food can only end badly, as in revolt badly. When a large part of society is hitting their financial breaking point, what happens next cannot be pretty. The speed at which society is fraying is definitely a major concern.
That is a good example. In isolation, no big deal ... maybe (even if it's rude). But the larger problem here is that people don't consider themselves as part of a society where each of their daily actions and interactions contribute to the collective vibe and quality of life. The fact that everything is so expensive is one reason nowadays, but hardly an excuse.
That's it exactly "don't consider themselves as part of a society". They fully dismiss the impact of their actions on others and whether they are making the world a better or place or not.
I try to define “society” for myself and come up with a group of people with a dash of community. It’s not fully a community, which brings care and concern, but at least it has some decorum in how we treat each other. And we do miss that now.
An opportunity to be compassionate; how does other peoples aggression make us feel? How can we be more compassionate towards them? What are our options? Can we forgive the small ones before they pile up and spiral into an avalanche?
I completely agree. And this is pretty much how I see it. Ignore it. Disarm it. Maybe rant about it afterwards:-)
But it does no good for anyone to go crazy or escalate things. Back to Bill's comment - even the odds of it happening are low, people do get beat up or even shot after they escalate things (or even if they don't!). See the story from the grocery store parking lot.The same grocery store where a security guard was shot when people he stopped from shoplifting came back to confront him. I didn't even mention that one in the article. So, yeah, it's time to go!
There is a creeping malaise. It is not just an LA, or even mega cities thing.
Last night, my wife and I went to a gig in our capital city, Bern. Candy Dulfer, and Sheila E in Purple Jam, a tribute to Prince!
We went by train; that service does work. Still. Unlike across the border in Germany, where the terms reliability and depdendability will forever more no longer appear in the same sentence as Germany. In Bern we decided to walk the 10 minutes from the station to the club. It was not dark yet.
Within 500m of the station we passed a really run down, graffitied building, with lots of folk hanging around who looked like druggies or dealers. We both quickly realised we were taking the bus back to the station after the gig.
We also have a very general imported crime problem. Lots of immigrants trying to be taken in as asylum seekers. Crime is part of their life and nothing to lose - money, 3 square, colour TV and internet whether we put them in jail or not.
Which gets me to the things on Rocco's mind as the thinks Spain and has his Urban Planner hat on. Our cities need to work on making every neighbourhood so hospitable that you both want to walk around and can walk around, at any time of day, whatever age you are.
It's definitely like this in Spain. No matter the time you feel safe. Felt the same way in Paris and Rome. In large part because there are always people around - out and about. The way they design is a big reason why. Jane Jacobs - "The eyes on the street."
Spot on again! agreed on all the opportunities for spontaneous activity and enjoyment here but at what price?
Exactly. Your perspective is interesting given that you recently moved here.
Would you like to write a guest post about your experience related to the theme(s) of my newsletter?
I would love that! I could put together a draft and send your way?
Definitely. That would be great.
You can email it to me: notascomposedasyouappear@gmail.com
I appreciate it. Looking forward to your perspective.
will do, will work on it this weekend. Thanks Rocco!
Most people have never lived overseas; they don't know what it feels like to live in a true wholesome community environment. I lived in San Diego for 20 years and I'm glad I got out.
I can wait to experience it as a resident. There's so much you realize when you return home. It's pretty incredible really.
Five years ago I packed up my stuff in Florida and bought a one-way ticket to Barcelona. It was the best decision I've ever made.
Every time I go back to visit my parents it seems like the situation gets worse. I can't justify ordering a glass of wine for $11 when I can go to a restaurant here and get an entire bottle for the same price.
Good luck with your move, hope to meet you in Valencia some day!
Thanks for this! You hear this a lot :-) Absolutely, we will be neighbors soon!